The Bunny Bacchus (mr_wombat) wrote,
The Bunny Bacchus

Annals of Pain III

My teachers in secondary school were very typical of irish primary school teachers at the time. Old Skool, disciplinarians and batshit crazy.

One of them had us convinced at one point that Santa Barbra in the states was a training facility for every store santa in the world. The same one had me spelling religion wrong for about twenty years and one of them hit me with a cricket bat once for standing funny.

Crazy santa barbra teacher lady once told us that nettles were a perfectly edible food once boiled for about ten minutes. Being an experimental child at the best of times (there are still stains on the kitchen ceiling from my first chemistry set when my brother decided to jazz up a reaction between acid and base by dumping in a spoonful of baking soda - actually he sounds a lot like a former flatmate of mine now I think about it)

That evening I went out and gathered some nettles, stinging myself in the process naturally. I brought them back the house, gave them a rinse, chopped them up, popped them in a saucepan and set them boiling.

Now my mum was watching this and... well I get a lot of mannerisms from her, like me she thinks that pain is funny if it's someone else's and that people learn best from experience, bad experience if possible. I realise now why she didn't nip this in the bud but it's a lesson I could have lived without. Now I think about it, I think she actually stopped me from using the pot I wanted to use and gave me an older, rustier one... one that, now I think about it, was used to boil eggs and dishrags in..

Twenty minutes later, unperturbed by having to fish out a few boiled insects from the pot I sat down to a delicious meal of boiled nettle, and in fairness it's not bad. I don't really like spinach that much, and it tasted like spinach but it was okay, I ate the lot.

Half an hour later I puked up everything I had eaten between 1982 and 1985, including a good amount of ancient chewing gum I had once mistaken for a normal sweet. Apparantly you're not supposed to eat the fucking stalks.

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