March 20th, 2007


Mr Wombat Reviews -

Ways to make yourself sick, courtesy of sunday night and three bottles of wine. I was ably assisted by the lovely followthebird on this one.

1 - A mug of incredibly salty warm water. This seems to achieve nothing except to leave the overwhelming sensation of violence in your mouth. In theory your stomach rebells when the salt hits it but in practice it held a peaceful protest and then went home in an SUV complaining all the way.

2 - A mug of diluted milk. I'm not sure why this came my way but followthebird seemed to think it was a good idea. It was tasty though, it helped with the salt in my system.

3 - The ninja heimlich - another one of followthebird's ideas. It definitely had potential, especially since she did it entirely by surprise using strength one would not expect from the arms of a lady.

4 - Fingers down throat - I wasn't entirely convinced about this one for the three seconds after I did it but I had just enough time to say "Well that was a load of boll..." before the party got well and truly started - a party in my mouth that everyone was leaving.

So, in my scientific opinion I think I have conclusively proven that the best way to make yourself ill is to man up and stuff your filthy digits in your gob, its quick and it allows more leeway in the smart comment department than drinking from a mug, no matter what the contents.

My meat

I promised the recipe for that ham I made at the weekend so here it is:

You will need a saucepan big enough to boil a ham in.
Take one joint of ham in the 2kg/4.5lb range.
Chop up an onion
Get a two litre bottle of coca cola [1]
Put the ham and onions in the saucepan, pour the two litres of coke on top. Cover with a lid, bring to the boil, simmer for two and a bit hours, adjusting cooking times for weight using the arcane conversion charts that proper cooks use.
Once its done, remove the ham from the cola mix [2]
Remove most of the fat from the meat, leave enough to score.
Score the fat with a knife in a crisscrossed diamond fashion
Get some molasses, mustard powder, fine brown sugar and cloves.
In *theory* you should put the cloves into the intersections of the scoring on the fat and apply the molasses but in practice I found that smearong on the molasses and then sprinkling on the mustard and sugar before stabbing the cloves in and hoping for the best worked a lot better.
Bake in a pre-heated oven for twenty minutes or until the molasses are bubbly and brown.

[1] Not diet coke, not caffine free coke, not caffine free diet coke, not cherry cola, not lemon diet cola and definitely not pepsi. Just regular boring coke, the kind that gives me the delhi belly if I drink more than two glasses like I did last night and am feeling the dire consequences of today.
[2] Which makes a great stock base for black bean soup, just mix a tin or two of soaked black beans, cumin, coriander and cilantro, boil for twenty minutes and in theory you have soup