"I don't give a crap".
For once Scott Adams was right, reality is defined by those more insane than you. So when someone decides that a tool can be used for something it was never intended to be used for it becomes your responsibility to make it work the way they think it should.
Eventually you realise the truth of the situation and tell him to get bent because no matter how much he wants it to perform in the bizzare manner he thinks it should, it will not. Not even if he wishes on a shooting star *really* hard.