The Bunny Bacchus (mr_wombat) wrote,
The Bunny Bacchus

My preachy and sanctimonious guide to livejournal writing. (Part one)

Since so many others seem to be doing it these days:

1: It may be your livejournal but I'm the one reading it.
And as such you should write stuff that I find interesting. You see, writing a guide is a funny thing, though I know precisely fuck all about the subject and it's nothing more than pure opinion, by virtue of writing a half dozen self important points I am instantly entitled to judge the content of your journal. You unimportant little maggot who has never written a pointless fucking style guide without even possessing a single clue.
Interestingly, writing the guide also excludes me from all the other rules on the basis that since I'm interesting enough to have written a guide, I'm certainly interesting enough for you to read constantly and post replies to on a regular basis - something along the lines of "Wow! you said that better than I ever could have!"

2: "Interesting" and "thought provoking" are just another way of saying "stating the bleeding obvious".
If you want to be interesting and make a success of your livejournal then one of the best ways to do it is to take a completly fucking obvious statement and expand on it for about two thousand words. American foreign policy is always a good place to start and you should find it pretty easy to yap on for at least five pages about how George Bush is an asshole - don't worry, you're about the first person to think of this. Post it up and wait for the comments to start flooding in.

2.5: People who comment
Leading on from point 2, you should get around 500 posts for your bullshi... inciteful insight but don't get too excited. About fifty of those will be from weak minded morons thanking you for stating the bleeding obvious in a manner they never could have themselves. Three posts will be from people who disagree with your viewpoint and 447 posts will be from the original 50 flaming the bejeezus out of the three poor fools who had the sheer gall to disagree with some poorly thought out aspect of your "point".

3: Always use cut tags.
Because the extra half a second it takes to scroll through something you have written that I find uninteresting (which is, as previously stated, is reason enough for you to commit seppuku) is a half a second I could have spent developing a cure for world hunger and my Page Down button is broken, and I'm a whiny man bitch. Yep, my time is that valuable. So fucking valuable I shouldn't be reading livejournal in the first place.

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