The Bunny Bacchus

Brought to you by Edward Muscare - registered sex offender in the state of Florida.

( Read mo.... JESUS CHRIST! )

Three organge paedophiles set out to interrupt a young boy's attempts to meet women who are a little too old for him, however he eventually defeats them by adopting a few distasteful black stereotypes, donning a pimp hat and leaning against a car he isn't old enough to drive.




"I'm going to make him come tonight, over at my house"

As I watch the news I find myself wondering what we used to talk about before the recession.

I have a new system. Now, whenever I end up having to work with a cretin[1] and I make it through the day without saying something mean or spending time trying to wish them to death I get a McFlurry.

[1] The kind of bullysome prick who gets aggressive with someone and then goes crying to the boss when they react badly.

Inspired by some ideas to unfuck our "great" "nation" as put forward by bastun_ie

Sterilise, at their own expense, anyone who plays music on the bus, dart or luas on their shitty phone. This will ease the welfare burden of childrens' allowance as well as develop a new area of the medical profession. Consider same for anyone who climbs on public transport on their way to sign on and beings bellowing to their friends about how they're going to "fookin kill that prik" who "Ripped meh off". I'm sorry, you had your chance, you could have been a useful and productive member of society but now there isn't an insurance company on the planet that would cover your progeny's chances of being fucking useless so we're not going to foot the bill either.

Everyone in jail works. Everyone. Fuck you, fuck the human rights you're so fond of screeching about. You didn't care about them when you were infringing on someone else's right not to be murdered, assaulted, raped or kidnapped. So now, you can get to work to supplement the massive burden on society your bullshit behaviour is causing. Compliance is optional, the option is that you donate your blood and marrow instead.

Performance related pay for anyone with an ounce of influence over how the country is run. Under this system most politicians would owe the nation cash.

Everyone who voted Fianna Fail in the last two elections now owes everyone else fifty quid.

Fire Gerry Ryan and Pat Kenny. You can pretty much do what you want with the savings here since anything would be an improvement, even consuming it would presumably provide some kind of nutritional benefit.

While we're on RTE, place a permanent moratorium on RTE "Comedy". Use the savings to Clone Richard Attenborough and set him to work on documentaries about anything except the FUCKING burren. We get it, it is a miracle of rocks and scratty heather, beautiful, austere in its blah de blah de blah.

No more money to the Gaeltacht. Seriously, you're perfectly capable of speaking a language no one cares about without getting grants for it. In fact, no more money to "preserve a way of life" any more. Either that or start funding MY endangered way of life of speaking in complete sentences on the internet. THANKS TWITTER.

Trademark St Patrick's day. Make anyone who wishes to claim to be Irish pay a one hundred euro certification fee. Passports are available for an additional four hundred euro because fuck it, we might as well.

I'm *fairly* sure most economists should return their paycheques. We can replace them with voodoo priests. Sure, the methods are (presumably) a little different but the results, advice and accuracy should be more or less the same.

High level management of all banks over the past fifteen years will be fed to the homeless. Financial regulators and ministers for finance will eventually end up in the pot but we're going to be pumping them with angel dust for a little while first.

Fines for placards containing poor spelling, unclear slogans or unproven conclusions (e.g. Public Sector = Modern day slave trade)

No more tax funded cars and drivers for politicians. Walk, you fat fucks.

80% Tax rate on cover versions of songs.

100% Louis Walsh tax. Retroactively.

If we maintain tax relief for artists then we're going to need a tax penalty for cultural rapists. David McSavage will, fortunately, have to die. Damien Hirst and Mark McGowan will need to pay up before entering the country.

Everyone now pays for their casualty visits if your drunken ass breaks something. Acting like a wanker in the casualty department not only allows the staff to refuse treatment but they will now be within their rights to stick you in thunderdome. Bets on the outcome will be allowed, profits go to the staff social fund. Hippocratic Oaths are now optional between 11pm and 8am on friday night/saturday morning because they're just too much hassle compared to popping some scumbag between the eyes with a bedpan.

Revise the penalty points system. The limit is now one point. Points are awarded for anything that would cause you to fail your test. Upon reaching the limit you will be banned from driving the massive metal contraption that is entirely capable of killing as many people as happen to be nearby. Your vehicle will be siezed and sold and thats it, you're not getting another license, ever. You clearly can't be trusted with a car, you've demonstrated that. End of story.


Next week - Mr Wombat figures out how to tackle the crime problem using a tiny police force armed with sticks against criminal gangs that would give the fucking Sopranos pause.

From 2003 - Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster, a computer technician, is one of thousands of Army National Guard and Reserve members who could soon be called up to active duty in Iraq.


Let me just say that again - Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster

Mamma Mia is being watched in the next room. I just saw a scene where forty predatory women charge a small food stall with two men at it, tie them to a lamp post and grope them.

Fucked up.

Girl rabbit passed away last night. She had a fun past couple of weeks and it wasn't terribly surprising but still a bit sad.

Anyone know how long does it take to finish Wolfestein 3D?

Stomach security needs improvement. Food keeps escaping.

Have intelligent design advocates come up with a decent explanation for stomach bugs that keep you awake all night being violently sick? Unable to eat more than two figrolls and a banana? Comatose on the couch? because I'm DYING to hear it.

Advertising
ad.ver.tis.ing [ad-ver-tahy-zing]
–noun
1. The act or practice of calling public attention to one's product, service, need, etc., esp. by paid announcements in newspapers and magazines, over radio or television, on billboards, etc.: to get more customers by advertising.

( Mission accomplished! )

Okay, NOW I get it.

The credit crisis visualized or "Why we need to set fire to bankers". I mean honestly, if we were in any fantasy novel you'd care to mention they'd be cast into the abyss and there'd be a ban on practicing financial witchcraft.

Whenever someone complains that Michael Bay ruined Transformers you really have two options. You can
A) Punch them in the throat for complaining about the low quality of a movie derived from episode length advertisements for toys
OR
B) Show them this clip, THEN punch them in the throat.

Really only of interest to WoW heads
( Nagrand )

A new rule for horror movies - when it turns out that your psychologically disturbed, ambiguously alcoholic, accidentally-shot-a-dude, mentally breaking down ex-husband, was correct when he claimed that an evil force was coming to kill his family through the mirrors, you are not required to say "Its okay, I should have believed you" because you should not.

Rock band 2 - The graphics would have been forgivable five years ago, all the best songs are on Guitar Hero 4 which, company loyalty aside, I reckon is the far superior game. Later I remembered that I had set my Xbox graphical settings quite low over christmas to work on another TV so I changed it back to the highest the TV could manage and it still looked like playdough ass.

Saints Row 2 - I completed the introductory tutorial, then I saw a hooker and in true videogame tradition decided to punch the money out of her. Then a squadron of blacksploitation style pimps turned up. I punched the money out of them. Then I stole some kind of Chevrolet Impala looking car, took it to a garage, upgraded it to batmobile levels of invunerability, found a japanese gangster, punched the katana out of him and I've done nothing but enjoy the game without doing a single mission since then. This evening I made my own batcycle, I eventually hope to make my own batdumptruck. The control system could do with some work, the same button is used to jump out of a vehicle as is used to take someone else in the vehicle hostage. This is fine in a car, it was not so fine when I discoverd this while flying a jet thousands of feet in the air, climbed out the door and plummeted, naked, to my death. I was naked because of an earlier optional mission to streak and offend as many people as possible. It is that kind of game.


Mirror's Edge - Marvel at the white city! Stare in awe at the amazing light effects! Play for ten minutes before getting sick of the needlessly complex control system.

Left 4 Dead - The campaign is cool, I've heard people complaining about the lack of narrative connecting the campaigns together (there used to be cutscenes but they were removed thanks to a spectacularly thick focus group) but I don't mind because I have enough imagination to see how they'd string together. Plus you don't need narrative more complex than "There are is an effectively infinite number of zombies in the city. There are four of you. You are here. You need to get there. The zombies are in between. PS - don't shoot the cars". For sheer, vindictive, swaggering, boasting, argument-causing fun you can't beat the versus mode where each level is played twice, once as zombies with special attacks and once as the survivors. At work we play this every lunchtime. My team has won every game for almost a fortnight now. The teams change, I remain the winning constant - I'm just saying.

Dead Space - Its not as good as Silent Hill one or two but better than Silent Hill three or four. I suppose it could be up there with Resident Evil 4 in terms of the feel and level of the scary (though Dead Space has more shock moments and there might have been a couple of close pee based calls towards the end of the game)

Hellboy - The Science of Evil - This game now makes it okay to say "Hellboy games are shit". Maybe it gets better after the incredibly repetitive first level but I couldn't be bothered finding out.

I'm not often given to sentimentality but you know what? Today, the world my son is going to grow up in became a slightly better place.

What ever happened to the Atkins diet?

( The most charming thing you'll see today )